MIGHT AS WELL

Why is it that when I feel like I am close to having the happiness that I crave, I get bitched slapped in the face with an unhealthy dose of reality. I heard them say 2 steps forward and one step back.

HOWEVER

When I take my 2 steps forward I take a backward leap off the cliff. Then somehow turn around in midair and face plant in cow dung. (Don’t even bother asking how I did it just know I did it.) Then when I get up I will do like I always do. I will get up and wash the poo poo off my face and just keep going. Why you may ask, To that I say why not who wants to walk around with poo poo on their face.

I sometimes wonder what’s the point, I am going to fall off the cliff again anyway.

THEREFORE

I guess I will try to fall off the cliff sideways and do a double somersault in to the pile of poo poo. I mean if I am going to constantly fall I might as well do it with

STYLE.

 

Heather J

OH MAGIC 8 BALL

When I look at the road before me.

I know that there is a great journey ahead, However at this time I am at a crossroad.

I am truly not sure if I should go left or right.

One thing I do know for sure is that either way I go it's going to be difficult.

Unfortunately I don't have a crystal ball that will give me the answers to all of my questions.

For some strange reason I can't even find my magic eight ball.

Even if I could find it it'll probably say come back and try later.

Then will that leave me at the same place that I am right now. I know in my heart of hearts I need to make a change, and I know it's going to be a very difficult change.

It's not going to be easy, but whoever said life was easy.

Life is a bunch of lessons and challenges that we all have to overcome.

Some of us choose to sit back and do nothing while, others decide to jump in head first and whatever happens happens.

However I happened to be one of those people that just want to put my Pinky toe in the water and see what it's like.

This will give me a chance to see if I want to go left or if I want to go right.

Even after all of this writing I still don't know what I want to do.

Should I go left into the land of uncertainty?

OR

Should I go right into the land of uncertainty.?

Looks like either way,

I have a 50/50% chance of being,

SCREWED

 

Heather J

Lessons

When I sit back and think of all of the time that I have wasted in my life.

I often wonder how life would have been if I had made my move sooner.

Then again I have always been told that everything happens for a reason.

Maybe I am just trying to hard to figure out what the reason is?

Maybe I need to step back and realize that there are just some things I will never get the answer to.

When I think about it would it really matter if I knew the reason, would it changed anything that happened?
In my heart of hearts I know it would not change a thing, because there was a lesson I needed to learn.

I was at the point in my life that I needed to wake up and learn the lesson.
I must admit it was a very painful lesson to learn, but it was a very valuable lesson.

The lesson helped me grow and look at life in a different way.

I know now not to take life for granted.

For everyone reading this, life is a lesson.

When you ignore the lesson like the elephant in the room you make it that much harder to learn.

I choose to duck and dodge the elephant in the room.

In the end I had to learn my lesson the hard way which was not the best way to learn it.

Then again it could have been the best way for me to open my eyes and see.

 

So from here on out I will not ignore the elephant in the room.

I will learn my lesson early, so that I can move on to the next one.

 

Heather J

No Words

Just found out about your lost.
Honestly I don't know what to say. No amount of words could ever take away the pain that your feeling. That alone kills me because I never ever want to see you hurt. At the same time there is nothing that I can do to fix things. At this point all I can say is that I am sorry, it should have never happen. I say this even though I know it will not help at all, because at this point this is all I can do.

Heather J

My Baby Girl

We have been together for 24 years. But it seems like yesterday that you were fighting so hard to get out in to this crazy world.  

I think you wanted to see me just as much as I wanted to see you.

The first time I look in your eyes I felt whole, complete.  It was like you were the other part of me that I was looking for.  It was at that point that I knew that you would love me just as much as I love you.

However when I think back at that moment the look you gave me was more like what the hell did I get myself into.

It was like you were saying where am I, how did I get here, and who cut my food tube.

I knew from that moment on that I would move heaven and earth to make sure you had everything you ever needed.

In my heart of hearts I know that I did the best that I could.

I mean when you have a child it doesn’t come with instructions, and when I had you there was no Internet and no google, I just had to wing it. Yet somehow I knew what to do,  not to toot my own horn but I think I did a damn good job.

It was not that easy but it was definitely worth it. We’ve been through a lot together and we were able to survive because we had one another.

Even though we’re not as close as we used to be we are still closer than most.

As I write this I have to admit  I eyes are leaking a little, I don’t know if it’s from reminiscing about the things that we’ve been through together. Or reminiscing about the crazy things that we’ve done together. I mean think about it how many mothers and daughters go to the store during a tornado warning and run away from the carts that are being pushed by the wind. Then once we make it to the car we laughed so hard we cry.
Remember playing shooting games on the PlayStation and you would use me as a moving target when I was on your team. Even tho you said it was an accident I know you were aiming your me.  It could not have been an accident because I always got hit in the head. 
Again it feels just like yesterday that you took your first steps, and said your 1st words. Yet it was 24 years ago today that you took your 1st breath.
I often wonder where did the time go, I wish I could go back. Back to the days that we would put puzzles together, when we would sit and color.
Just to sit and watch you as you did you homework and the way you would look at the ceiling like the answer to the question is up there somewhere. Then you would look at me like I hid the answer from you and we would both laugh, cus we knew what the other person was thinking. 
Time has somehow slipped away from us. Unfortunately there’s no way we could never get that time back, because it’s the way of the world.
One thing I can say is sometimes when you look at me and I look into your eyes, I can still see that little girl that needed me years ago. Even though you’re all grown up now,
You have always been and you always will be my baby girl.
Heather J

I Have To Let You Go

I never thought I would get to the point where I would say, I Have To Let You Go.

There is no reason for us to talk anymore.

There is no reason for us to be Facebook friends, because we are not friends.

There is no reason for you to ask people how I am, because you don’t care.

If you cared would not have left me the way you did.

One thing I just can’t figure out is why you think all is forgiven?

I feel that I should let you know that all is not forgiven and it never will be.

I just decided to let it go and not let it control me.

Just like I have decided to let you go and moved on with my life, without you in it.

Heather J

I Have To Let You Go

I never thought I would get to the point where I would say, I Have To Let You Go.

There is no reason for us to talk anymore.

There is no reason for us to be Facebook friends, because we are not friends.

There is no reason for you to ask people how I am, because you don’t care.

If you cared would not have left me the way you did.

One thing I just can’t figure out is why you think all is forgiven?

I feel that I should let you know that all is not forgiven and it never will be.

I just decided to let it go and not let it control me.

Just like I have decided to let you go and moved on with my life, without you in it.

Heather J

Darkness

They say things happen for a reason.

I just wish I knew what the reason was.

If I knew maybe I could deal with it better.

Maybe it would not feel so hopeless at times.

Maybe I could handle it better.

Maybe just maybe I can deal with the changes.

Maybe I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Because right now all I can see is darkness.

Heather J

Hey There Mr. Robin

Hey There Mr. Robin,
I see you over there, watching me watching you watching me while I work in my garden.
I love looking at your pretty red chest and listening to that wonderful sound coming from your beak.

I can’t help but wonder if the song that you sing is for me.
When I pull up in my driveway I have to admit that I often look for you.

If you’re not there I kind of worry.

Only to put my key in the door and hear your tweet tweet, then I turn around and there you are.
I am starting to think that the songs that you sing are for me.

Heather J