Karma

There are a few things that I just don’t understand. How can a person claim that they love you one day and find it so easy to walk away from you the next. Some times when I think about it.
I think it comes down to a few things.
Either they never truly loved you to begin with or they don’t even know what love is.
It could be possible that they were just lonely at the time and your love was just something to use for that moment.
Either way it’s messed up and it’s not fair,
To that I have just one thing to say,
Karma.
Heather J

Win – Win

I will admit that it has come to a point where there are certain people that I need to let out of my life. Negative people only make me negative. I remember the saying birds of a feather flock together. As I get older I see that is so true. People that aren’t trying to grow and become more than what they are it’s time for me to let them go. I understand some people aren’t ready to be better. At the same time I am and I respect myself enough to let them go.

I remember when I started to come to this conclusion that I felt that maybe I was being uppity by saying that certain people aren’t on my level.

However I know now that I am not being uppity I am being real. I have learned that when you keep certain types of people in your life you never grow, with that being said think about it when you keep positive people in your life you’re what positive. When you have negative people in your life it’s hard for you to be positive because you’re with negative people.

Therefore I am at a point where I have to let those people go. I don’t feel that I owe them any explanation as to why I am doing what I’m doing because what I am doing I am doing it for me. Yes there will be a lot less people in my life for right now however as time goes on it leaves me open to meet more positive people. Therefore in the end it’s a win-win for me.

Grass

Sometimes in life people need to think about the future before they make a major change in their life. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. Just remember after you make the change there is no way to go back. Just make sure your ready……..

Realization

I woke up this morning with the realization that the decision in the end is yours alone. I don’t necessarily have to agree with it and I don’t agree with it. However at the same time I don’t know the pain that you’re going through I don’t know how it feels to go through chemo. I have to realize that either way I have to let you go.

You’re in the fourth stage of cancer there is nothing that can be done more chemo would be painful for you. I know this now and I don’t want you in pain. When I think about it I was being selfish wanting you to be in pain for me to have you just a little bit longer. I know now that was wrong as well. I know that if I truly love you I have to let you decide what’s best for you.

I do not have a choice in this. I have to let go I don’t want to but it is what it is and in your last and final days I do not want you in pain. I want you as happy as you can be. There’s nothing that I can do. I hate not having control of this. In the end I know either way I’m gonna have to let you go.

So now the realization is again I have to let you go but at the same time I’m going to suck up as much of your time as I can. Every day I’m gonna let you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. So that I won’t have any regrets of feeling like I never told you I want you to know this.

Can’t say I’m OK with this but you did not raise a punk you taught us how to deal therefore I’m gonna deal with this. I’m going to deal with this with a smile on my face. It may be just a little bit of jealousy because you’re going to be with our family members that have passed before you.

They are going to be there with open arms better yet open wings to hug you and to tell you how much they missed you and to tell you what an awesome place Heaven is.

So when you get there tell them I sent them love and I’m just gonna stay here and make all you guys proud. I’m gonna stay here and live my dreams and give you all something to talk about in heaven.

Summers Falls

Listen and Feel

I don’t know why but I woke up today and did something I never thought I would ever do.

I woke up with the urge to want to write and listen to music.

Not just any music I wanted to hear the old stuff.

I woke with the urge to get my Beethoven on.

Yep

I said it to get my Beethoven on.

With everything going on in the world I guess I just wanted to go back way back to a time where there was hard times but not like this.

I know life is never perfect.

I know things happen and I think I just wanted to relax and chill for an hour and just feel free.

The best way to explain it would be like coming home after being in the ice cold rain.

Then you get home and you feel safe and you can dry off and sit in front of a nice fire.

Play some Beethoven Moonlight Sonata.

Then watch the fire dance to the music.

You don’t have to think about any thing.

Just sit no worries about what tomorrow will bring. No worries about what bills need to be paid. No worries about the floors that need to be clean. No worries about the clothes that are in the dryer that needs to be put up. No worries about anything at all because your just there, in your happy place right where you want to be.

That’s how I wanted to feel I guess.

Well I know that’s how I wanted to feel.

When you take the time to think about how amazing it is that 1 man can write music that makes you feel so much with no words.

When I listen to him it’s like with each note he is taking away my hidden pain and fears. It’s like he knows how to pick through the good and rip out the bad. If you don’t know take about 5minutes and find a quiet spot and listen to Ludwig van Beethoven: Moonlight Sonata.

You might be like girl I am not about to listen to that.

Just try it because you never know you just might like it. It could be your next guilty pleasure

Summers Falls

Just Listen

I don’t know why but I woke up today and did something I never thought I would ever do. 

I woke up with the urge to want to write and listen to music. 

Not just any music I wanted to hear the old stuff. 

I woke with the urge to get my Beethoven on. 

Yep 

I said it to get my Beethoven on. 

With everything going on in the world I guess I just wanted to go back way back to a time where there was hard times but not like this.

I know life is never perfect. 

I know things happen and I think I just wanted to relax and chill for an hour and just feel free. 

The best way to explain it would be like coming home after being in the ice cold rain. 

Then you get home and you feel safe and you can dry off and sit in front of a nice fire. 

Play some Beethoven Moonlight Sonata. 

Then watch the fire dance to the music.

You don’t have to think about any thing.

Just sit no worries about what tomorrow will bring. No worries about what bills need to be paid. No worries about the floors that need to be clean. No worries about the clothes that are in the dryer that needs to be put up. No worries about anything at all because your just there, in your happy place right where you want to be.

That’s how I wanted to feel I guess. 

Well I know that’s how I wanted to feel.

When you take the time to think about how amazing it is that 1 man can write music that makes you feel so much with no words.

When I listen to him it’s like with each note he is taking away my hidden pain and fears. It’s like he knows how to pick through the good and rip out the bad. If you don’t know take about 5minutes and find a quiet spot and listen to Ludwig van Beethoven: Moonlight Sonata.

You might be like girl I am not about to listen to that.

Just try it because you never know you just might like it. It could be your next guilty pleasure

Missing You

I know they say that as time goes on things will get a little better. I guess that will be true in about 35 dozen year give or take.

I just miss you so much.

Its like right now I can still hear your voice. Its so clear and I fear that the day will come that I will not remember your laugh.

Your smile was so beautiful, I hate only seeing it in a photo.

When will I wake up from this nightmare?  When will I stop waiting on a call or a text from you saying ….?

“HA HA GIRL I REALLY GOT YOU THIS TIME.

I AM STILL ALIVE!!!

I know I know I know you are in a better place. I know you are no longer in pain. I would gladly take all the pain that you were in for the rest of my life, just to  hug you, see you, hear you, and tell you how much I love you just 1 more time.  I know that it will never happen, but I still wish it could.

5/11/2021 will make it 2 year that you have been gone. That day was hard for not only me but for everyone in the family.   Because we are selfish some more than others.  There are some of us that would not care if you were in pain at all they just want you here.

                                                            With that being said,

I would like to thank you for sticking it out as long as you did. I know it was not easy. After every surgery you took it like a trooper and came back strong. I think that is why I never thought that I would have to live without you.

In the end if you did not know it, even though I know you did we all loved you… You were and will always be loved. I hate that I did not tell you more but I know, you know I did and I still do, and just like you use to tell me I LOVE YOU MORE.

I JUST HATE THAT YOUR NOT HERE TO TELL ME THE SAME

Heather J

WHAT IS UP

What is up with people feeling the need to negotiate with their kids. If you have kids or have you adopted kids either way those are your kids. You do not negotiate with them. I remember when I was young there was no negotiation.
Up in the store today and little Timmy was with his mother. He looked to be about 4.
He did not want to eat what she was going to cook.
He told her that he was going to eat fruit snacks for dinner
She was like no you had that last night
He was like so I want fruit snacks I want fruit snacks and I want them now.
So I act like I did not see a thing and I follow them to the fruit snacks and she got him 2 boxes of fruit snacks. She let him pick what he wanted

When I was growing up there were rules.
If I did not eat what my mother or father cooked I just did not eat.
If I smarted off I would have tasted blood

Theses kids are far to disrespectful and no one is even trying to help them get on the right track.
Then people wonder why the jail population is so high. If kids don’t learn at an early age to respect people when they get older they’re going to turn into disrespectful adult.
They are not going to think that they have to abide by the rules therefore they end up in jail.
Whatever happened to yes ma’am, no ma’am yes sir, no sir, excuse me, please, and thank you?
How many kids do you hear say that on a daily basis?

Heather J.

CHRISTMAS TIME

I hope everyone was able to stay warm yesterday it was a little bit chilly.

But right now I want to do some real talk.
It is Christmas time so I want everyone to realize that you don’t need to buy expensive things to prove to someone that you love them.

When it comes to the kids buying them expensive things is all well and cool if you can afford them.

And it is true that it will warm your heart when you see them open up a gift that they have always wanted.


But will that gift warm their bodies when you cannot afford to pay the electric bill because you felt the need to buy them something that they really did not need.

Think about it do you remember what Christmas gift you got when you were their age.
HELLO

I will wait for your answer.

Now when it comes to adults if it’s someone that is truly in your life someone that truly knows you, they would not want you to buy them all the fancy expensive things to prove that you love them.

They would know that you cannot afford it.

If they respect you truly respect you…

They would not want you to live beyond your means just to get them something expensive.

Last time I checked the Three Wiseman came with Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh.

They came with gifts that he could use.

Things that could help him as he grows.

Things that they could afford to give him.

They were giving from their hearts and not from their pockets.

To make a long story short

People need to stop being materialistic when it comes to their kids.

People need to buy games that they can play with their kids.

People need to stop using electronics as a form of baby sitting.

Most of all people need to wake up and realize that kids actually like one on one time with their parents.

In the end you are the parent not Nintendo not Sega and not Apple YOU are.

There will be a time that you kids will be grown and they will not have time for you…

Then what are you going to say???

Well they did like the PlayStation I got them that year for Christmas…..

No your going to be sad because you will know that you should of taken time out with your kids instead of taken time to buy your kids.

Once that time is gone its gone and there will be nothing you can do about it.

SPEND TIME WITH YOUR KIDS THIS CHRISTMAS BEFORE IT’S TO LATE….

Heather J

Might as Well

wp-16064013286116265496380944467981.jpgWhy is that when I feel like I am close to having the happiness that I crave, I get bitched slapped in the face?

I was once told 2 steps forward and one step back.

When take my 2 steps forward I take a backward leap off the cliff.

Then somehow turn around in midair and face plant in cow dung.

Don’t even bother asking how I did it, just know I did it.

Then when I get up I will do like I always do.

I will  wash the poo poo off my face and just keep going.

Why you may ask,

Well why not? 

Who wants to walk around with poo poo on their face.

Don’t get me wrong.

I  sometimes wonder what’s the point?

I am going to fall off the cliff again anyway.

Plus the fact that if I don’t keep falling I will never know the right way to land.

Try Try again they always say. 

So I will Try Try again but I will do it with a little Pizzas!!!! 

 I figured you only live once…

YOLO

So next time I fall ( because we all know there is always a next time) I will try to fall off the cliff sideways and do a double summersault in  to the pile of poo poo.

I mean if I am going to constantly fall I might as well do it with style.

Heather J

wp-16064013286116265496380944467981.jpgWhy is that when I feel like I am close to having the happiness that I crave, I get bitched slapped in the face?

I was once told 2 steps forward and one step back.

When take my 2 steps forward I take a backward leap off the cliff.

Then somehow turn around in midair and face plant in cow dung.

Don’t even bother asking how I did it, just know I did it.

Then when I get up I will do like I always do.

I will  wash the poo poo off my face and just keep going.

Why you may ask,

Well why not? 

Who wants to walk around with poo poo on their face.

Don’t get me wrong.

I  sometimes wonder what’s the point?

I am going to fall off the cliff again anyway.

Plus the fact that if I don’t keep falling I will never know the right way to land.

Try Try again they always say. 

So I will Try Try again but I will do it with a little Pizzas!!!! 

 I figured you only live once…

YOLO

So next time I fall ( because we all know there is always a next time) I will try to fall off the cliff sideways and do a double summersault in  to the pile of poo poo.

I mean if I am going to constantly fall I might as well do it with style.